Since returning from Alaska, I do find myself out-of-sorts in a way. I am behind on the October and the upcoming ESSC schedules. Perhaps it's because I've done about 3 versions of the October schedule already, so I'm feeling a bit weary about tackling it yet again. I finally finished the Joshua Bible reading questions -- one week late, I should add. I just don't like the feeling of being behind on things. It makes me feel a bit uneasy.
Also, we were so unusually behind on Deuteronomy Bible reading after Alaska that we decided to just abandon it altogther and resume with Joshua. We did that last night and it was a relief to read the Bible again.
Changing topics, I surprised myself because I've been thinking about the topic of having children. Recently, a friend of mine told me she was pregnant. I was both surprised and not surprised by her news. They want children, so I'm happy for them. But somehow, hearing that news from a friend close to my age triggered something in me. I had mixed and confused feelings that I am still processing.
That same week, though, someone told us that we must have children or we will regret it for life. You know, last year or the year before, someone else also offered this threat: "If you don't have kids, other people will have children coming home for the holidays and you won't." Oh no, that's my worst fear come true. #sarcasm.
I don't do well with fear-tactics for any situation, and especially not for child-bearing. I get all logical and lofty and think to myself: "So you have kids just to satisfy your own emptiness, live up to your idea of social norm, or cope with fears about dying alone in your old age? How self-seeking of you."
I have that inner 16-year-old rebelliousness that I probably haven't out-grown. So advice to all -- unless you have positive advice or unless you are my husband, just leave me alone on the child-bearing thing. This is a matter between the two of us as we will be the ones responsible, not you. I promise the more you leave me alone the more likely I will have kids and vice versa. Thank you. #rantover
Just to end on a positive note, I won a bid on a white iphone5 on ebay the other day. Should be coming in the mail any day now! I know, welcome to the 21st century.