I am scheduled to lead Friday night services once a quarter. Last quarter I subbed for a brother because his mother suddenly passed away. Since I had very little time to prepare, I ended up turning it into a testimony session. I started from the very beginning and just slowly recounted God's blessings until college.
I was assigned to lead this past Friday so I continued my testimony and recounted God's blessings through grad school. I realized that I can probably share God's blessings for another 2 sessions (career & marriage) and I just felt so grateful for all of God's guidance and blessings in my life. Reading some of my past journal entries and Xanga posts, I see that I was so right to trust in God. That He does not put to shame anyone who trusts in Him and His promises!
Thinking and remembering all the grace I've received made me feel so thankful last week. I was literally about to burst into tears of joy at any moment from the gratefulness I felt. I am so glad everything happened the way they happened and I'm blessed to be where I am today.
I know that I'm probably over the more uncertain parts of life (aka the 20's) where things seem to pivot in any direction. That unknown is scary and it challenges our faith. I'm so glad all that is over with and I'm sitting at a place in life where things are ho-hum. I feel so content. My past has taught me to simply trust God
Right now I feel like I'm learning about how to serve God for the very first time. It's interesting. You'd think that if someone has been serving since her youth she'd know a thing or two about service. But somehow I feel like I'm starting over.
I was elected back into the church council in July and my term just started in October. I actually almost declined from the nomination but somehow I didn't.
I remember the first time I was elected to the council was 2008 and I was 26 years old and planning a wedding. Actually both David and I were elected at the same time. During that time even though I was just the FA, I was constantly frustrated and upset and disappointed. I was upset at the "older people" for expecting us to manage the church perfectly while at the same time being constantly disappointed by us "younger people". I was disappointed at the parents for not taking care of their kids and tossing them to the church & RE teachers.
I wish I wrote down all my misgivings because I can't remember most of them now. I just remembered I was burning with frustration most of the time. I did a lot of complaining and began many thoughts with: "why can't they just...".
I felt so unraveled emotionally and probably spiritually during that time that I knew I could not continue a second term.
In some ways I feel like that experience brought me back to the beginning of servitude -of what it should not look like. I can't believe 4 years has passed since then already, but I cringe when I think about how I served at the time. What an ugly and unpleasing service that must've been! So full of complaints and blame and feelings of imbalance and feelings of being tossed about emotionally reacting to people and situations.
It's funny, but I realize for the first time how important it is to start any service to God with a heart of love and compassion for His children. To simply serve Him and not be rattled by the service of others -- not even the service of pastors and other council members. And I think that's where I am now: working on the fundamentals.