I woke up this morning to a new year and nothing felt different. It felt like another beautiful and quiet Sunday morning. My father's daughter thought to herself: Ah, so holidays and celebrations are man's way of making the ordinary feel special. That said, I think the greatest value of these days now made special (like birthdays, anniversaries or new years) is the opportunity to pause. So here's my pause and my tip of the hat to the new year.
I'm now 29 years old, turning 30 in a mere two months. So this is the year I will bid adieu to my 20s and start the 4th decade of my existence. My marriage is currently 2 years long and I'm still learning how these things go. I would say year 2 is definitely much more eye-opening than year 1. I feel like I am getting a little better on knowing what being a wife is all about -- although much of it is still quite a mystery.
My latest hobby (as shown on this blog) is interior design. I think this is fairly natural since this is the first full year in a while that I've not rented. And I don't mean since college. I mean since we moved from Taiwan when I was 7 years old. We've always lived with someone or rented somewhere, so this is the first time I'm experiencing what having a place to yourself means. I love the opportunities that come with it. I love having people over, offering people if they want to sleep over, having a garden to grow edible things or whatever other plant life, having my own kitchen, and just styling & organizing the home to my taste and comfort.
Although I did have times this year when I felt like maybe it's too much and I should quit the house cold turkey because it must be the more spiritual thing to do. At least I wouldn't have to explain myself and sort of become self-implicated after even needing to explain myself. After thinking about it some more, I think I may have been too dramatic about this whole thing. That's what I hate about being 20-something. Must everything be so complicated and dramatic? I'm hoping things will be different for 30-somethings.
I guess I can't blame those of you keeping up with my life on the blog if you think making this house pretty occupies 90% of my thoughts. I'll admit that I don't paint my life otherwise so that's my own fault. I was lately reminded of the importance to keeping personal thoughts personal when I found out I had a reader I didn't know about. Thankfully this reader turned out to be a friend. But I do check my Weebly unique visitors count regularly and my daily reader count vary between 20-200 (even though I personally informed not more than 10 people when this blog was conceived). As this is the world wide web after all, I think I'll keep this blog primarily as my creative hobby outlet peppered with thoughts.
Changing topics. I think the two things I am pondering most often about this past year is "simplicity" and "dealing with others". Simplicity because that's my aspiration. Not really in the physical sense but in the inner and spiritual sense. Here's an extreme example: I would not give up my my toilet and take it outside as a way to live simply. But then again, if I have to, then I want to also be okay with that. I'm not looking to be another Thoreau and aspire to change inwardly with what is experienced outwardly. That's kind of cheating, since if you need that then you are still quite at the mercy of the outwardly stuff.
I'm rambling a little because I haven't really got this figured out yet. The point is not to let either poverty nor riches affect anything. That there is no reason to go the extreme and think living poorly means you are more righteous or a better person. Far be it, actually. Some people make suffering their self-righteousness. But in the same breath I do want to say, if there comes a time when I have to give up all these physical blessings, I want to praise God and say what Job said. Simplicity is to praise when receiving and letting go.
And i think the second topic of "dealing with others" is closely related to simplicity. Since this post is getting long I'll keep it short and give an example. Relationships and people complicate so many of my thoughts. I get upset and shut down emotionally when I see people I admire or look up to not doing the "right thing". This can't be healthy or good for anyone. I am hoping to decouple my relationships with my thoughts and actions. Not so I become a robot, but my hope is to ultimately treat people not as maybe how I feel like I want to treat them -- but with more love & kindness and see what is the best thing to do in the situation and for those people. Then that's beneficial for all. I feel like kids are really good at this. Adults? Not as much, though I do know a few exemplary adults I look up to still.
Maybe at the end of growing older in age is the need to grower younger at heart.