For some time now, we've had a truthseeker come to Wednesday night services. So we had stopped scheduling a certain sister on Wednesdays so she can be available to lead Basic Beliefs class for this truthseeker. This sister's primary language is not Chinese, but she managed to explain our basic beliefs to this truthseeker week after week. Oh and I forgot to mention that she also gives this truthseeker a ride to and from church each week.
What really touched me was one week this sister came and told me that the truthseeker had decided to come on Fridays now instead of Wednesdays and that I can schedule her for duties on Wednesdays from now on.
I don't know about you, but as a RA it's rare and far between for anyone to tell me I can schedule them for something. This sister can easily just wait things out until I ask her if it's okay for me to schedule her now that the truthseeker is coming on Fridays. But she didn't. And all this is not a huge deal because eventually I'm pretty sure I would ask her if it's okay to schedule her on Wednesdays. But for me it was touching and encouraging because it showed me what faithfulness in service is like.
Many times doing the schedule can feel like you're owing a bunch of people favors. For members who are not as strong in faith, you may in fact end up asking them to do you the favor. And that's okay with me because everyone is in a different stage in faith.
When I was younger, I'm sure I did holy work because a big sister or brother encouraged me and asked me to do it. And ultimately the job of the RA is to be the servant of all and try to help members increase in their faith and servitude towards God anyway. So I don't really view that as being a bad thing or think those members ought to know better. You hope that even though right now they may feel like they're doing you the favor, that they will continue to grow and eventually do it only for the Lord.
I realize that it is in fact very rare to find people who serve God alone. I don't think I can say that about myself either. We all still feel frustrated and disappointed in our servitude maybe because of the people around us -- because of their words and their expressions. And we try to grow up from that. So that's why the times when I witness members like the sister I just mentioned, I feel very encouraged and I remind myself that I need to be a more faithful servant.
A question I ask myself when I get emails about schedule conflicts or last minute vacation plans is this: Am I upset/annoyed about this request because I feel inconvenienced by it? That I now have to tinker with the schedule I carefully put together? When the answer is "yes", then I need to let it go because honestly it's my job to do the schedule. And part of that job is sorting out scheduling conflicts, whether the conflict is legitimate or not. Then I feel less annoyed and I can move towards serving cheerfully.
At times I also feel envious of others' ability to just go on vacations without a care of leaving their duties behind. At times I also feel stupid and silly for trying to stick around for holidays. Does it really matter if I feel like I'm "holding the fort" here? Am I really just torturing myself and then feeling upset about it?
I think if I feel resentful about it then yes, I am simply torturing myself like Martha slaving away bitterly. I don't think Martha faulted because she served. She faulted because of her attitude during that service.
A friend once encouraged me:
As long as we answer to God, to me, it's the difference between being faithful or not. Maybe they are so oblivious that God won't consider them unfaithful but that's up to God to decide. We still have to have a clear conscience. Who knows? God may consider them to be unfaithful, but it's not something we should worry about.
So I continue in my quest to learn how to be a faithful servant of God. I realize there are two endings for people who are zealous to serve. They either end up becoming self-righteous (like many of the problem people in the church) or they become extremely humble. I sure hope I turn out to be the latter.